Friday, March 29, 2013

Things I am learning, Marrying a Widower at 30

Image from aussiegall
I've started this post a couple of times. Because I think it's important to be as transparent as possible in life and on this blog. Let me preface this by saying that I wouldn't change a thing, and let me follow it by saying sometimes it's really hard. Josh and I have the relationship of my dreams. I dated guys before him, really awesome fun intelligent guys. But there was something that was always missing, I couldn't be myself at all times. Enter Josh. I really believe that God gives you exactly what you need at exactly the right time. Josh is so my other half, from spraying on his "chick repellent" when he told me about his nerdy game love (we will definitely talk about that in another post) on our first date, to visiting him at school and watching his connection with his students (I can't wait to make lots of babies with this man), to the way he makes me feel giddy every time we snuggle up, it's just really easy and fun. People always say when you know you know, and I always thought these people had watched The Notebook too many times. But now I know, you know?

Josh is a widower, not something that I ever thought would be part of my love story unless I pictured myself getting remarried at 85 with purple hair to a man with dentures and a cane. But life isn't what we expect, and it wouldn't be half as wonderful if we did. I am really blessed that Josh's family, both his and Jenni's welcomed me with open arms. It takes some really special people to be kind and gracious and they have been all that and more to me.

Navigating through this process is new to both of us and at times we both make mistakes. I get sad, he gets sad, we both learn to communicate how we are feeling as delicately as possible.

Things I have learned during this process:

1. I don't have to feel the need to compete. She and I are two different people, both awesome and lovely in our own way.

2. I love Josh more because of what he has been through, and he wouldn't be the same guy that I am head over heels in love with if he hadn't. I am so truly blessed to be dating and marrying a man who doesn't take a single second for granted and treats me like a princess. (Seriously, what guy gets up before you do and takes your dog out so you don't have to get up from your hibernation?)

3. At times things are going to be brought up from Josh's past that are a bit hard for me, but as long as his hand is in mine I can handle it.

4. Josh loves us both, equally, differently. If you are dating or married to a widower, it's important to know that, to hear that from your spouse.

5. Have someone you can talk to other than your spouse. My best friend Katie is always there for me when I need an ear. God made people to go through life together, and having someone you can spill your guts to is really therapeutic, that's what best friends are for.

6. Be there to listen when your spouse needs to talk, know that there will be tough times for them, that it doesn't take away their love for you. But during those times, it's your turn to listen, to give the biggest hug and to love them in these sad moments.

I am so thankful for this man and our love story. If you are going through something similar, know that you are not alone, and Josh and I are sending a huge hug your way.

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