Thursday, February 6, 2014

Little Women, Scars and Remembering What True Beauty Is

I remember quite vividly, Jo in Little Women cutting off all her hair and laminating that it was her only beauty. Today I walked into the doctor's office and felt the same thing. I have had a cyst on the side of my face for about four months. It's been a  huge blow to my self esteem. I love smiling and taking pictures, but lately I have shunned the camera and been smiling a lot less. I was sure going into surgery to get it removed would be the relief I needed.
  But as the doctor drew on my face to show me where the scar would be, I felt the tears start welling up and spill over. I cried at the reception desk while they scheduled my surgery, and for the removal of my stitches. I cried on the phone on the way home with my mom and dad. I cried when I got home to a husband who knew I had an appointment so he was in the kitchen making me dinner, so I didn't have to cook when I arrived. I cried when he wrapped me in a hug. I cried as I sat in the shower feeling sorry for a scar that is only going to be at most 3 inches of my face.
      Odds are that it will heal nicely. Odds are it won't be discolored or raised. But when the doctor told me that there would be a chance of that, my heart sunk. How would Josh still think I was beautiful? (He assured me he would, and that he would marry me again). I thought about how I could cover it up or explain it away.... shark attack? knife fight with ninjas? trying to break up an illegal dog fighting ring?
      I knew I needed a reality check, a reminder of what is beautiful to God, because when it comes down to it, that's really all that matters. Everything else is just gravy. So I went to my Bible and read 1 Peter 3:3-4 " Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth to God." Is it ok if I like braiding my hair and dressing cute? Of course. Is it ok if I put those before being a gentle and quiet spirit?  No way. Is it ok that I don't want a scar on my face? Totally. Is it ok if I let that be a stumbling block in my faith, and care about what other people think of my face more than how God see's my character? Heck no.
     There are many many other people dealing with far greater things than this. People who wake up every morning with great challenges and still face the day, and not only face it but embrace it. These people are truly beautiful, and a reminder of how I need to be every day.
My Most Beautiful Day. Ever.

Hope your Thursday is beautiful!

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